Ep 15: Don't Wait on his Text, Gurl! | Detroit

Today I will talk about our habit or tendency to continue to pursue or pine after people who aren’t showing us that they are fully interested in us.

So what do we do?… The guy leaps over that first hurdle. And instead of appreciating it for a while, we immediately put up another hurdle for him to jump over. And when he doesn’t — you’re back at square one.

There are three problems you might have:

1) You have a spirit of scarcity. You believe that you won’t find another person to date any time soon. You have to build up your confidence in your own appeal. Each new person is a stepping stone. You learn to attract better options. You learn to repel worse options. 

Positive energy leads to more positive energy which leads to more positive results.

3) You put up artificial rules. Who says that this person that you just met is supposed to me more than a one-night or a two-night stand? Who says that he is gonna be your future baby daddy? Nothing says that. If he is meant to be your forever person, he will be.

It takes time to slowly change your mindset. But these are the steps to do so:

a) Do not create visions of a perfect life together until they have invested some time into you. 

b) When you text him, don’t have any expectations of a response by a specific time.

c) If he starts to get lax with the communication, go ahead and write him off. 

Just like in every situation, always use any setbacks as an opportunity to improve yourself. Be open to self-evaluating yourself or taking feedback. 

Just because you believe you’re attractive doesn’t mean you have to believe you are already perfect. – Maxx Mitchell

Transcript

Hey there Listeners! Welcome to Episode 15 of the Shy to Dynamic podcast! And thank you for tuning into my podcast today. Hope you all are doing well this week. As for me, I just tested myself, and I have covid! I haven’t had it since about 2 years ago, so it sucks to have it now. But hopefully it won’t get any worse than this. And hopefully it won’t affect the sound of my podcast too badly. At any rate, pray for me!

So on to the topic at hand… A while back, my first cousin suggested to me that I should do a topic one week on dating. I told her at the time “well I don’t know about that…” because I haven’t had a relationship in a really really long time, so who am I to speak on the complexities of dating. But then I realized that I do know something about at least trying to date or having the desire to date someone, so I am well versed on speaking about that. I shouldn’t have second-guessed myself that I have something valuable to say on that topic! 

So today I will talk about our habit, or many people’s bad habit or tendency to continue to pursue or pine after people who aren’t showing us that they are fully interested in us. And we keep hoping and wishing and looking for them to show us the attention that we need or feel that we deserve from them. 

When we meet someone new that we’re interested in, many of us swoon when that person sends us a text out of the blue just to say hello. We’re like “Oh my God! He texted me! Without me even reaching out to him first!” And you are so impressed that he stepped up and showed that he cares! You think “This must be going somewhere!” Even if you only met him three days ago. So sad.

But then what happens when you text him back? Well, then you wait. Three hours later, you’re still waiting. You thought that if you texted him back, then he would text you again right back… But that’s probably too much to ask for, right? He doesn’t text you back, and you think to yourself: “Who raised this monster??”

That rush of good feelings you received when he first texted you has completely vanished. It’s like that joyous moment that you were so grateful for a few hours ago was completely canceled out… nullified.

And that’s what we do… The guy leaps over that first hurdle. And instead of appreciating it for a while, we immediately put up another hurdle for him to jump over.

And when he doesn’t — you’re back at square one.

In your mind, you call the guy inconsiderate, inconsistent, a louse, a player.

In reality, these kinds of behaviors or expectations are a reflection on you.

There are three problems you might have:

1) You have a spirit of scarcity. You believe that you won’t find another person to date any time soon. Or specifically, you believe that you won’t find another person this hot or this sexy or this special any time soon. So you feel the need to rely on this one guy’s attention. But you have to get it into your mind… If I met this person, why can’t I meet another awesome person?... or better yet, an even more awesome person. There are millions of men or women in the state or country that you live in. Unless you live in a small state or country, but there are still thousands!

You have to build up your level of trust in the Universe to truly BELIEVE that a better guy or girl is around the corner. This is hard and takes a lot of spiritual learning, but if you work at it, you can train your mind to find that place of belief and faith and trust. 

You have to force this theory into existence by putting yourself out there. Go to coffee shops or other social places, maybe even go to meetup events. Keep your eyes open. Go to popular places and be inviting and approachable. Make yourself available to be discovered as if you are an aspiring model looking for a life-changing opportunity.

2) You worry about what the guy’s inconsistency, or their departure, says about you. You think if he doesn’t keep up a consistent schedule of continuing to text you or call you or hang out with you, then that makes you feel you’re not worthy enough, or interesting enough, or sexy enough to maintain his interest.

You have to build up your confidence in your own appeal. You were attractive enough to gain this person’s interest, so clearly you’re attractive enough for somebody on some level. If you think about it, there was probably a time that you weren’t meeting anyone at all. But you met this guy. So that’s progress!

Look at it this way: Each new person is a stepping stone. Always look for the next thing to be bigger and better because you learn from each experience… and you become wiser and more savvy after each experience. You learn to attract better options. You learn to repel worse options. If you fail at one relationship, put positive energy into it by appreciating the parts you enjoyed and learn from the parts that you didn’t enjoy.

Positive energy leads to more positive energy which leads to more positive results.

3) You put up artificial rules. And who says that your rules even make any sense? Who says that this person that you just met is supposed to me more than a one-night or a two-night stand? Who says that he is gonna be your future baby daddy? Who says that he is supposed to be your forever person? – Nothing in the Universe says that.

If he is meant to be your forever person, he will be.

If it doesn’t last, then he is just a steppingstone on the way to your perfect rock!

As always, it takes time to slowly change your mindset. But these are the steps to do so:

a) Do not create visions of a perfect life together until they have invested some time into you. What exactly that timeframe should be, I’m not going to say. Or maybe I will say… at least a good month or more! There should be no adding him to the guest list of a party a month away when you’ve only known him 3 days. Tell yourself upfront, and maybe tell him or her upfront, that you have no interest in a serious relationship until the two of you have put in the time to make sure this thing is real.

b) When you text him, don’t have any expectations of a response by a specific time. Just go off and live your day. Go to work, go grocery shopping, walk your dog. Meet other men along the way! Don’t worry about the first guy. That’s definitely easier said than done. And I was definitely not able to do it most of my life. But I wish for your that you’ll have better success than I had. It takes tons of practice to get there. You are not cheating on him if you’re not in a relationship yet. So try to have no guilt if you are still looking at other guys until you get more serious.

c) If he starts to get lax with the communication, go ahead and write him off. Even if they come back, say that the window has closed. You may choose to not go as hardcore as this…  or you may give him just one more chance, but no more than that. If he is not interested in you enough to maintain consistent contact, then he is not too interested in you. — And his interest should be a hardcore requirement for any person you date. Stop making excuses for him. Sometimes we make irrational excuses for other people’s inattention. For instance, you may tell yourself maybe he hasn’t texted because he’s already gone to bed for the night… although it’s only 6pm! Don’t be that stupid. 

A podcaster that I listen to – his name is Case Kenny – once said in so many words, “If he wanted to reach out to you, he would.” End quote. Plain and simple. Take that to heart. Don’t make excuses for him. Give him a few chances, but if the inconsistency continues, go ahead and write him off. 

Create a zero-tolerance policy about him disappearing, being unresponsive, and making up constant excuses to avoid seeing you.

However, this doesn’t absolve you of all responsibility… which leads to the final step.

Just like in every situation, always use any setbacks as an opportunity to improve yourself. Be open to self-evaluating yourself or taking feedback to see if there are any actions and behaviors that you can do to make yourself more appealing to potential people who want to date you. 

Just because you believe you’re attractive doesn’t mean you have to believe you are already perfect. – Maxx Mitchell

Perfection is obviously an unattainable goal, but self-improvement should always be your goal. There’s no limit to how awesome you can become!

As you begin to follow these principles, you will be able to hone your skills so that you are more appealing to more people, and you will begin to attract people that are better suited to you.

Eventually you will connect with the right person and you will know that you are meant for each other for the long haul… Of course, that’s after a month of having no expectations of him at all. 😊

So this week’s episode is dedicated to the city of Detroit! There is no obvious connection between the topic today and the city of Detroit. Except for the fact, that Detroit is said to be a tough, hard-core city… and trying to date can be a tough hard-core game as well! Other than that, Detroit is nicknamed 'Motor City' and is known as the birthplace of the modern automobile. It is also known as the home of Motown Records which played an important role in the racial integration of popular music as many of its black musicians enjoyed crossover success. (from Wikipedia)

 And that wraps this up. So if you have enjoyed this episode, and you’ve gotten something useful and meaningful out of this episode, then please give me five stars and write a review. Your ratings and reviews are really important! I’ll be waiting on your review as if I’m dating you. <lol> Please pass this podcast along to your friends or family or anyone you know that could benefit from what I’ve been saying as well! And please contact me directly to let me know what you think. There is a text message option in the show notes!

As always, remember to show up for yourself and BELIEVE in yourself today and everyday, and create a NEW important and dynamic version of yourself!

Episode 15, the Detroit episode, is now DONE!